


you make me feel alive (again)

by allisonsargent



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, basically markson are ghosts, maknae line is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-25 15:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7538119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allisonsargent/pseuds/allisonsargent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“were you talking to me?” </p><p>and there was no response, and a bitter laugh was about to escape jackson's lips. of course, jackson thinks, the other couldn't hear him. he turned his body to talk away, convinced the boy was clearly talking about someone else, and not him. </p><p>“wait.” called the boy on the bench, as he silently strode over to jackson. “oh my — you can hear me? can you see me?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	you make me feel alive (again)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the reason I haven't updated It's Only Temporary, I've been working on this. I usually don't do the lowercase writing but it worked for this so I'm trying it out. Anyway, I enjoyed this, and I hope you all enjoy this too. Comments and kudos are appreciated always!

jackson awoke with a sputtered breath and eyes wide open. his surroundings were desperately in need of light, as it was too dark for jackson's liking. when he attempted to move, his body was still, as if his mind and body were not working in tandem. that was when the fear and distress set in. said fear and distress led jackson to begin to flail, his body wriggling in uncontrollable panic. he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, it was as his body was lifeless. and then it hit him; he was _drowning_.

ever since he was younger, jackson had unfortunately been cursed with a crippling fear of the water. for jackson, it meant being forced to sit on the beach towel while his family swam, or not being able to grace his friends with his company during the weekly summer pool parties. water was unknown territory to jackson, and so he avoided it at all costs.

so, in panic, jackson's body starts to writhe, but is stationary as he is unable to physically move from where he is. he tries to scream for help, but his efforts are to no avail, his voice is inaudible, the words don't even breathe a sound. he didn't think that this was how his life was going to end, he hadn't been given a chance to return his mother's phone calls, or go to the store to get the milk jaebum had been _begging_ for him to buy. his eyes flutter shut, and the air within his lung collapses; as does jackson.

until after only minutes, he awakes once again, still conscious, and very much _not_ dead. his body is suddenly given movement, and he surfaces to the very top of the river. with explosive movements, he finds himself hurriedly paddling to the nearest embankment, in fear of suddenly going below water again. he hurdles his body onto the stone, simply laying there on his back, his eyes intently gazing up into the night's dark sky.

there was a slight breeze, and jackson recalls that it's only mid september. jaebum likes september, he remembers, it gives the two excuses to stay in and sip hot cocoa, and to trade their shorts and shirts for boots and heavy sweaters. at the thought of clothes, jackson sits up immediately, his hands clawing at his thin t-shirt that was awfully dry for someone who had been drowning moments ago.

“survived drowning and wet clothes syndrome?” jackson somehow manages to choke out a laugh as he picks himself up from the ground.

he feels his pockets in hope of finding his phone, but there was no object of his in any of his pockets. not his phone, his wallet, nothing. jackson realizes that he recognizes his surroundings, that this was only the river a few minutes away from his and jaebum's apartment. jackson couldn't think of why he'd be anywhere near the river, even more so by himself. confused, jackson drags himself away from the river, and takes the path that leads out of the park and onto the main road.

the walk is quiet, jackson realizes, without jaebum to accompany him, or the earbuds to fill his ears with music. jackson smiles at those he passes, both strangers and frequent park goers alike, yet oddly enough he never received anything in return. “everyone is hostile tonight.” the boy sighed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

once his apartment came into view, jackson sighed a sigh of relief. he couldn't wait to just go inside, and lay next to jaebum. for some reason, it felt like months since he had even seen jaebum, even though the longest he had gone without seeing him recently was a day. his boyfriend must have missed him, he was probably worried, sending out texts to all their friends. jackson walked up to the door, reaching for the door handle.

his hand went right through the door handle, and jackson didn't get the chance to suppress his shriek. “oh my —” jackson attempted to touch the handle again, but only got the same reaction as before. he didn't understand, why couldn't he touch the handle, what was wrong with him? he rushed up to one of his neighbors, who had been exiting the building. “youngjae! youngjae!” he walked directly in front of the other, waving his hands. youngjae walked right past him, not even glancing at jackson.

“no, no, no.” the entrance door didn't completely shut when youngjae closed it, so jackson slipped through the door. he ran up the staircase to his apartment, the first action of his was attempting to bang on the door. his hands went through the door again, as did his entire body. he stumbled, falling onto his knees.

the scene jackson arrived to could have been described as stoic. jaebum was sitting alone, his left hand wrapped around a cup of coffee. his other hand was tightly gripping a picture frame, looking at it with a fond kind of sadness. jackson moved towards jaebum, trying to get a peek of the picture. “jaebum..” jackson whispered, once he realized the picture was of him and jaebum, when they had visited the seoul tower only months ago. jaebum expression looked wistful but sad, and the mere thought that jaebum — _his_ jaebum — was upset made jackson frown.

jackson knelt before jaebum, his eyes brimming with tears as he looked into the valiant face of his boyfriend. “oh jackson,” jaebum uttered, his voice low. “why'd this happen?”

“what happened? what happened to me?” jackson cried as he inched closer to jaebum, who was biting his lip in an effort to prevent the tears forming in eyes to slip out. a single tear slid down jaebum's cheek, and jackson wanted nothing more than to caress jaebum, to smooth down jaebum's hair and whisper to him that everything was going to be okay — that everything was okay.

but he _couldn't_.

and it hurt jackson more than words could ever begin describe.

it was unbelievably difficult to watch a person that you'd seen as incredibly fearless and unbreakable suddenly unfold in front of your eyes. jaebum didn't cry for many things, jackson recalled, jaebum had always thought that mourning something lost was all in vain. “you're crying a river of tears for something you're never getting back.” jaebum would say. “your tears aren't going to bring it back. it hurts less when you accept it.”

jackson thought that jaebum only said that because he had never felt true loss before, that he'd never experienced grief in the way others had. jackson had always jokingly told him that one day jaebum was going to lose something he cared about, and he'd finally understand. jackson could have never imagined that he'd be the thing jaebum would lose.

a knock at the door prevented jackson from thinking any more. jaebum looked towards the door, placing the frame on the coffee table and throwing the blanket off his legs before standing to answer the door. as he walks, his hands rise to his face to wipe away the minimal evidence of the tears he'd shed. jaebum opens the door, and a small gasp passes his lips. “jinyoung,” jaebum spoke in that deep gravelly voice of his, the voice that had always alerted jackson that his boyfriend had been upset. except this time, there was a slight tone of pleasant surprise laced into jaebum's voice. “what're you doing here?”

“well, i happened to be in the area and decided to come visit.” the visitor, jinyoung, explained. “oh, i should've texted you first! i hope you're not upset..”

“no, no, it's okay,” and jaebum even half smiled. “do you wanna, uh, come in?”

jinyoung nodded. “i'd love to.”

jackson felt awkward, to say the least, as jinyoung entered the apartment. he must've been familiar with the place, as he seated himself on the couch while jaebum shut the door. “jinyoung, would you want something to drink? coffee? maybe tea?”

and jackson laughs at jaebum's attempt at being hospitable. acting as a welcoming host to visitors had always been jackson's job in the relationship, but now jaebum was visibly trying to be friendly.

“some tea would be really great, actually, thanks.”

the exchange was polite enough, the two making occasional chit chat while jaebum made the tea. jackson fair like an intruder, sitting and listening in on their conversation. the conversation picked up slightly once jaebum sat down beside jinyoung, bearing a tray with some crackers and two mugs of steaming hot tea. “i hope you like crackers, because these kind are really good, jackson really likes them,” jaebum's eyes shifted downward. “ _liked_ them.”

jinyoung's facial expression visibly softened, as he leaned over to place a companionable hand on jaebum's thigh. “it's okay,” he says. “i do that sometimes too. talk in the present tense, i mean. you forget that they're not there sometimes, it happens.”

“yeah..” jaebum sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “i miss him, you know? it's seven months today, actually. i can't just keep mourning like this.”

“it's been eight and a half months for me, since my boyfriend, well, you know,” jinyoung avoided the word, and jackson was glad he did. he didn't want to hear what happened to him being compared to what happened to jinyoung's significant other. “it still hurts. it doesn't get much easier, but you accept it at some point and it hurts a little bit less. how did jackson, um, pass again? if you don't mind me asking?”

jaebum looked away, pain flashing on his face. jackson cringed at jinyoung's words, he hoped jaebum got defensive, he hoped jaebum told jinyoung he didn't want to talk about it. that was really only because jackson himself didn't want to hear it. “well.. we had a fight over something silly, and jackson went out to take a drive to let off steam.” jackson sighs, that sounds like something he'd do. “the police said a drunk driver hit him, and his car fell into the river a few minutes away.” jaebum paused. “he didn't die because of the hit though, they think he died because he drowned in the water.”

that was the word jackson hadn't wanted to hear. he was dead, and it had been months since. that was enough to make jackson rush to his feet, and exit the apartment. hot tears rushed down his face as he ran down the staircase that lead to the door to exit. “no, no, no,” jackson choked as the tears left his eyes. “this isn't possible.”

as jackson left the building, he passed a handful of people. some were couples strolling hand in hand, some were mothers and their children devouring ice cream to beat the heat, some were alone as jackson had been earlier, just waking around for the hell of it. as the tears continued to fall, jackson viscously wiped them away, as if thought someone was actually going to see him crying. he realized that was suddenly envious of these people, as they all seemingly had the one thing jackson no longer had; _life_.

“oh, i hate when people cry.”

jackson turned around when the comment was made as he passed. it was in english, which made jackson even more curious. his eyes focused in on a boy about his age, seated alone on a bench, and since he was the nearest to jackson, he assumed that this was the person who made the comment. “were you talking to me?”

and there was no response, and a bitter laugh was about to escape jackson's lips. of course, jackson thinks, the other couldn't hear him. he turned his body to talk away, convinced the boy was clearly talking about someone else, and not him.

“wait.” called the boy on the bench, as he silently strode over to jackson. “oh my — you can hear me? can you see me?”

they made eye contact, and jackson released a high pitched scream. shocked, the boy's eyes widened, as he retreated backwards a few steps. “why are you yelling? and you can.. you can understand me?”

jackson didn't answer either question, just because of how much shock he was currently in. “you can see me?”

“well, i'm looking at you, i'm pretty sure i can.” the boy remarked with a grin.

“you're the first person today who could actually see me. and hear me.. and well, talk to me.”

“if it makes you feel any better, you're the only person i've met in weeks who could see me.” the boy shrugged nonchalantly, as if he thought that would made jackson feel better; it didn't.

“i'm shocked.” jackson whispered, more to himself than to mark, but the other boy took it upon himself to reply anyway.

“nice to meet you shocked, i'm mark.”

jackson gasps. “you didn't just make that joke!”

mark grinned in what seemed like pride. “i did.” there was a pause then, as neither mark nor jackson spoke. mark shook his head, his stare dropping to his shoes almost embarrassedly. “sorry, i make jokes like that all the time. it's habit, almost.”

“listen, my jokes can be as cheesy as that too,” jackson couldn't bring himself to fully smile, but he offered as much of a smile as he could to mark. “nice to meet you mark, my name's actually jackson, not shocked.”

“now i'm shocked.” mark smiles then, and jackson finds that the boy's smile the most relieving thing he's seen all day. “it's a pleasure, jackson. so,” mark sat at a bench nearby. as he turns, jackson saw the painful wounds on the boy's arms. he debated asking how mark got them, but he eventually ended up not asking. “how'd you end up like this?”

“like what..?” jackson is clueless as to what mark is referring to, until he gets another yet rude awakening, as a woman walks straight through him. “oh. well..” jackson doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want to think about it, so he does the next logical thing to prevent a conversation.

he ran.

* * *

jackson realizes that he can't run away from his fate. running away wasn't going to bring him back. he doesn't quite accept his death yet, but he accepts that he couldn't magically will himself to be alive again. no matter how much he cries, or how much he yells, he's still going to be dead.

he meets mark again days later, in coincidentally, the same spot as their initial meeting. he was sitting on the bench beside an elderly woman who was reading the newspaper.

“from a distance, you look very creepy, hovering over the bench like that.” jackson calls out as he draws near to the bench.

mark's head snaps up quickly, and jackson would've commented on how that must've hurt, but then he realized, of course it didn't hurt, he wasn't alive. a small grin spreads across mark's lips as jackson appears. “ah, the infamous shocked jackson,” mark waves, stepping away from the bench, to meet jackson halfway. “you're back! i thought i scared you off forever.”

“you almost did,” jackson nods. “but then i realized i couldn't just leave you alone here, so i came back.”

“how generous of you. what did i ever do to deserve such generosity?”

“you did nothing, it simply came from the goodness of my heart.” jackson replies, placing his hand over where his beating heart was. or, where it _should've_ been.

jackson still wasn't used to how cold his body was, or how his heart didn't beat the way it used to. jackson thinks he'd never get used to it, no matter how much he tried to adjust.

“well, i appreciate your friendship. i don't want to spend all this time alone.” mark's tone held the same jokiness as before, but it sounded as there was truth to what he said.

nobody wants to be alone, jackson thinks, even in the afterlife, or whatever this was.

“we're going to be good friends, mark.” jackson attempts to sling his arm around mark's shoulder, but his arm cuts right through mark's body. both boys laugh uncontrollably at jackson's error. jackson realizes it's the first time he's laughed, really laughed, in days.

it was nice not being alone, jackson thinks.

he ended up learning a lot about mark, as one would when you spend all your time with someone. he learns that mark was originally from california, but moved to seoul for college. he was studying to be an english major, mark tells jackson, but he was also playing on a basketball and volleyball team at his college. they bond over basketball, but also over the fact that mark is taiwanese.

“you're from taiwan?” jackson is excited, and he thinks that even with his terrible fate, somebody must've been watching out for him, and blessed him with a friend who spoke his language. “can you speak —” he didn't even bother finishing the sentence in english, jackson started speaking in mandarin, in which mark replied back with mandarin almost flawless enough to be up to par with jackson's.

jackson actually cried, in that moment.

“i'm from hong kong,” jackson explains with a bright smile, because he adored speaking about his home, he really did. “and i can speak like a _million_ languages! but none of my friends could speak back to me in mandarin or cantonese, or anything!”

“well, now you have me.” and mark smiles, and his smile was so radiant, that even the sun shining in the sky above must have felt some sort of jealousy.

jackson concludes then that he thinks mark has one of the most beautiful smiles he's ever seen.

“tell me more about you, though,” mark nods his head in jackson's direction. “i'm not a fan of talking about myself to be honest.”

“well.. uh, my name's jackson,” jackson pauses, what a silly way to start off a sentence, mark already knows his name. jackson looks at mark, who was still gazing at jackson intently. “jackson wang, i'm from hong kong, and i like to fence, i'm here in korea on a fencing scholarship. and i really like rice.”

mark laughs. “i like rice too, rice is great.”

jackson gasps almost incredulously. “rice is great? what about me? am i not great too?”

mark smiles bash fully, glancing away from jackson. the action itself was quite cute, and jackson could've combusted in just how cute it really was. “well, u-uh, you're pretty g-great too, jackson.”

jackson chuckles. “you're so cute, you know that, mark?” it was said so casually, so effortlessly, jackson thinks mark didn't even mind the compliment.

mark blushes, a subtle yet noticeable smile appearing on his lips. “this friendship is going to go really far if you keep giving me compliments like that, jackson.”

“good,” jackson grins. “i guess we're going to be friends for a long time.”

even in the early states of the friendship, jackson could already think of a hundred ways to compliment mark.

* * *

“mark, do you think that we'd make good friends if we were alive?” jackson asks randomly, as the two boys lay on the grass in the park one day.

mark cranes his head slightly, giving his attention to jackson for mere seconds, before turning back to staring at the sky. he shrugs. “i don't know.”

jackson is curious then, so he moved to lay on his side rather than on his back, so he could interrogate mark better. “why don't you think so?”

mark sighs. “honestly? when i was alive, i was really shy, okay? you probably would've intimidated me.”

“why don't i intimidate you now?”

“jackson, i've been alone for so long,” and mark seems upset as he speaks, and it makes jackson frown. “you were the first person i've talked to in a while and i.. i opened up quickly to you. it's nice having a friend, you know?”

and jackson understands, he really does. because the time that he had been alone before he met mark were miserable, as he went through the realization of his death alone. he would've gone insane if he would've had to spend all this time alone.

“well, i guess it doesn't matter anyway, right?” jackson changes the subject slightly. “we're already friends now.”

mark nods, and half smiles. it's not one of the smiles jackson had come to adore, though. it was a beautifully sad smile, that seemed to form mark's face. mark was even beautiful when he was sad, jackson thinks. he also decides he doesn't like seeing his friend sad, he never liked seeing his friends upset, it put him in an upset mood as well.

for the rest of the day, they don't talk much after that.

* * *

jackson doesn't see mark for a few days. being alone gave jackson time to think, which ultimately made jackson upset. without the pleasant distraction that came in the form of mark, jackson had all the time to reminisce over his past life, and all the things he could've — _would've_ — done if he was still alive.

he would have still been in college, working tirelessly towards his degree in physical therapy. he could've even been a great fencer, he was already the best in his team, maybe one of the best in the country, he could've only gone up from there. maybe he would've stayed with jaebum, if they loved each other enough, they could've gotten married after awhile. they could've adopted some kids, and make his mother who always campaigned for grandchildren happy.

none of that was going to happen, though, and it made jackson sad.

* * *

with nothing else better to do, now that he hadn't seen mark, he goes to visit jaebum. he had enough free time, and jackson really missed his boyfriend, he wasn't going to lie.

 _boyfriend_. could he even call jaebum that anymore? did they belong to each other still?

the apartment wasn't empty when he arrived, though. jaebum was sitting at their kitchen table, and across from him, sat jinyoung. they were splitting a large bowl of ice cream, both with wide smiles on their faces. jackson genuinely smiles at jaebum's happiness, because even if jackson couldn't give jaebum happiness like he used to, he deserved it anyway.

however, jackson a hurt flashed in the pit of his chest as he noticed that jaebum's hands were enveloping jinyoung's. jackson wanted to assume that maybe it was platonic, or maybe that was what he was hoping. until he looked into jaebum's eyes, and realized how soft they were as they focused on jinyoung, who was oblivious to jaebum's stare.

jackson knew that look all too well. it was the beginning of love. suddenly, jackson felt sick, and so he rushed out of the apartment.

it was good that he left at the time he did, because if not, jackson would've seen jaebum finally gathering up the courage to kiss jinyoung for the first time.

it's been nine, almost ten, months since his death. jaebum moved on, but jackson had not.

as he left the apartment, jackson felt a kaleidoscope of emotions brewing in his chest. he was mad, and upset, and most of all, he was envious. jaebum was living his life, finding someone else who wasn't jackson to love, yet jackson was stuck in what seemed like eternal misery, with nobody to love. and it made him mad, because he certainly didn't deserve this.

jackson was crying again, just as he had the first time he saw jaebum explaining his death. jackson's lips were pressed into a tight frown, his face flushed a bright red, and his eyes were watery. the tears didn't stop, but neither did jackson as he continued walking, as far away from jaebum's apartment as he could in the moment.

“you know, you look really beautiful even when you cry?” a soft, almost inaudible voice forced jackson to stop walking almost immediately. “that doesn't mean you should cry, though.”

jackson turns around, and mark is standing there. the mere sight of mark makes jackson's whole body relax. “let's not split up again, okay, jackson? let's stay together, you and me.”

jackson nods, and wipes the tears off his face. oddly enough, mark just has this calming effect on him, and jackson just instantly feels comfortable around him. “i feel better around you, mark.”

“me too.”

“you promise you won't leave me, mark?” and jackson sniffles, wiping the tears from his face. he didn't want to be alone, he didn't want to be without a friend, he wanted mark here.

“i wouldn't dream of it.” mark glances at jackson's hand, hesitantly reaching towards it, but then recoiling. “kinda wish i could hold your hand right now, would that make you feel better?”

“it would.”

mark placed his hand over jackson's hand. of course, their hands didn't touch, but the thought was calming. “pretend that i'm holding your hand, i'm gonna be here with you for as long as you'll have me around.” mark's quiet. “that's what friends are for.”

mark insisted on staying like that until jackson's tears had halted to a stop. and they did, they stayed in this comfortable silence until jackson's frown turned into a smile.

* * *

“hey, mark?”

“yeah, jackson?”

“i thought that after you died, you like,” jackson isn't quite sure how to explain it. “ascend into light, or something? or at least, you don't stay here.”

“i did too.”

“and you said that I was the first person who could see and talk to you in a while, right?”

mark nods.

“that means that there were people who could see you before. where'd they all go?”

mark shrugs. “it's weird, because i've come across other ghosts like us, but they're never here for very long.” mark's voice drops to almost a whisper. “they always leave, and i always stay.”

“oh.” is all jackson says, it's all he really can say. he doesn't want to push the subject considering mark did look upset. but jackson's curiosity was growing, and couldn't be contained now that the conversation was open. “why do you think we're still here?” he asked gently.

mark looks at jackson then, not saying a word. eventually, he glances away, turning his attention up to the sky, watching the clouds pass. “some say that you stay until you fully accept your death,” mark pauses, indicating that he wasn't done speaking. “some say that you stay if you didn't meet your soulmate in your life.”

“then what? you stay here forever?”

“i guess.” mark shrugs, unbothered.

“can i ask another question?”

mark glances over towards jackson, nodding his head in the boy's direction. “of course. ask away!”

“why is it that i can't touch things? like why is it if i try to touch something, my hand goes through it? or why can't i touch you?” it was meant to be one some questions, but with the way jackson was asking, it sounded more like a bunch of questions rolled up into one breath.

“oh, well,” mark bites his lip. “i've been told that like, you can't touch things, or people, until you meet your soulmate.”

“so, afterlife just falls into place when you meet your soulmate? everything kind of just rides off you meeting them?”

“pretty much!” mark laughs.

jackson falls onto his back, throwing his arms in the air. “what if i never meet my soulmate! i'm going to be a lonely ghost who can't touch anything.”

“well, you won't be lonely, i'll be here!”

jackson nods, that much was true. it was quiet for a little bit, until mark speaks up again. “wanna hear a story?”

“ooh, storytime with tuan,” jackson grins. “tell away!”

“a while ago, i met another ghost, and his name was yugyeom. he died instantly in a drunk driving accident, and he was only 18. he had been in love with his best friend, but his best friend had never reciprocated feelings. his best friend was injured in the same accident, but they thought he was going to make it.” mark pauses. “he died a few weeks after yugyeom. yugyeom was heartbroken, until bambam —”

“— excuse me, mark, was bambam the best friend?”

“yes, jackson.” mark rolled his eyes playfully as he answers jackson's question. his face grows serious, however, as he finishes the story. “anyway, when they saw each other, it was like they'd been given the best gifts in the world. they spoke, and bambam told him he loved him, and that he realized it while yugyeom was gone. it was the most beautiful thing, because suddenly, they were gone. they vanished into the light.”

“wow.” jackson whispers in awe. the story certainly was a beautifully interesting one, but he's sure he's here because he hasn't accepted his death. jaebum was his soulmate, right? “for me, i had a boyfriend in my last life and.. i think he was my soulmate.”

mark was quiet, but slowly angled himself so that his body was facing jackson. shyly, mark brought his eyes to jackson's, making direct eye contact. “but were you his?”

jackson stammers, running his hands through his hair nervously. suddenly, vivid images of jaebum caressing jinyoung's hand and looking lovingly into his eyes flashed in his mind. jackson shuddered at the mere thought. he hung his head low, shaking his head solemnly. “no..”

“it's okay,” mark said gently. “i think i'm here because i didn't find my soulmate. i've accepted my death months ago, and i'm still here. i had a boyfriend too, but even though i loved him, i'm not sure if we were soul mates.”

“why do you say that?”

“i saw bambam and yugyeom, when they were together at last, they were so happy they were glowing. i'm older than them both, and i've never seen a love like that,” mark pauses. “i think my boyfriend's moved on, anyway. i was his first love, but i wasn't his last.”

“what was your boyfriend's name?”

mark smiled, glancing down at his lap. he was probably thinking about his boyfriend, now that jackson had brought it up. it was almost as if he'd forgotten jackson's question, as it was left unanswered for a few seconds, until mark softly spoke. “jinyoung. his name was jinyoung.”

jackson's eyes widened. “wait! how long has it been since you died, mark?”

mark paused, as if he was thinking about jackson's question. he scratched his head, and as he spoke, he seemed a bit unsure. “eleven months, almost a year, i _think_?”

jackson gasped. “listen, i need closure, and i think you can help me with this.” he paused, but he still looked jittery. “will you help me?”

mark nodded, a slight glint of determination in his eyes. “yeah, of course, jackson,” he offers a small smile. “i'd help you with anything, really.”

“okay, let's go.”

as they walked the path to jaebum's apartment, jackson knew that mark was confused. he continuously asked jackson where they were going, but the other stayed silent as he walked in front of the other. when the two arrived in front of jaebum's building, jackson simply stood in front of the door, completely still.

“you okay, jackson?”

“yes.”

“why are we just standing here, then?”

jackson looks back at mark then, confused. “i have to wait for someone to open the door for us to go in.”

mark attempts to suppress a laugh, but fails terribly. jackson was ready to ask mark what made him laugh so much, but stopped when he saw mark walk through door, entering the building. jackson stands and stares in awe. “woah.” he mimics mark's movements, and eventually ends up inside as well.

“what, didn't know you could do that?” mark asks, a wide, almost silly grin on his lips as he looked at jackson.

“if i had, i wouldn't have been standing outside, would i?”

“hey, no need for the sarcasm,” mark sticks his tongue out at jackson almost juvenilely. “without me, you would still be outside waiting for someone to open the door.”

jackson doesn't question that at all, because it was true.

“huh, you don't have a comeback for me, jackson?”

“shut up, mark!”

“that's all? i can't help but say i'm disappointed.”

jackson glares back at mark, and oh so wishes he could touch the boy to slap him on the head playfully. they walk the rest it the stairs in silence, and when they reach jaebum's door, jackson turns to mark, with hands held out. “two things. first, i can't guarantee the people i think that are together are in there, and second,” he ticks that off his fingers. “if you feel uncomfortable at all, tell me, and we'll leave.”

mark glances at the door, then back at jackson. he slowly nods his head, and hesitantly follows jackson into the apartment. what jackson suspected all along was correct, because inside the apartment, cuddled on the couch were jaebum and jinyoung.

“is that —” mark covers his mouth and shock, as he stares directly at jinyoung. and jackson realizes then, that it is mark's jinyoung.

mark is rendered speechless, as tears swell up in his eyes. jackson rushes to his side, lips parted. “no don't cry, don't —”

“— jackson, you think i'm crying because i'm sad? i'm crying because i'm happy,” mark wipes the tears, chuckling lowly and nervously. but there was a faint trace of a smile, nevertheless. “i moved on, a long time ago. jinyoung was petty and stubborn, but he had the capacity to love. i knew he was going to get over me, and i'm happy that he found someone. he deserves all the happiness.”

jackson is silent, but can feel mark studying him intensely. then mark gasps silently, and points to jaebum. “is that your..” his sentence trails, but jackson knew what he going to say.

jackson nods. “that's jaebum, my boyfriend.”

“he's not your boyfriend anymore, i think he's jinyoung's.” mark runs his hands over the back of his neck. “crazy coincidence, huh? our ex boyfriends are dating?”

jackson nods, cracking a small smile. “i guess so. they look happy.”

and both of the boys' gazes softened as they watched jaebum and jinyoung laugh and smile together. “they do look happy,” mark whispers. “that's what love does to you, sometimes.”

truthfully, honestly, jackson whispers. “i wish i would've gotten my true soulmate.”

it wasn't intended for mark's ears, but mark heard it nevertheless. “me too.”

* * *

if it was possible, jackson and mark spent much more time together after that day. mark learned to help jackson move on from jaebum similarly to the way he did, only feeling happiness for jaebum finding another partner, rather than malice, jealously, or sadness.

jackson learned more from mark than just moving on from boyfriends, though. he learned that it was possible to have a smile as blinding as the sun, but the personality of the moon, timid and silent. mark was beautiful to jackson in the way others weren't, and he almost admired the other silently. jackson learned that mark wasn't one to express his feelings the way jackson did, would mark be scared off if jackson told him his feelings?

“hey, isn't it crazy that out of all the people i could've been stuck with, i'm stuck with you.”

mark glances over to jackson, laughing. “me too, but, who better could i spend all this time with than you?”

jackson looks away. “mark?”

“yeah?”

“you think we're gonna be here forever?”

“no, only until one of us meets their soulmate in the afterlife.” mark shrugs. he sounds so casual about it, and jackson is astounded. would it be wrong to tell mark that he maybe he didn't want either of them to meet their soulmate, that he wanted whatever this was to stay the same?

mark probably didn't feel that way, jackson concludes, and his chest hurts slightly at the thought, but he wouldn't admit it.

 _get over yourself_ , jackson thinks, _not everyone has to feel the way you do_.

but it hurt.

and maybe jackson didn't realize it, but slowly, gradually, jackson fell for those eyes. jackson fell for mark's shy smiles, and boisterous laughter whenever jackson told a joke. he even listened all of mark's stories about los angeles, he loved to hear mark talk about the things he used to have passions for, the way his eyes lit up were all jackson could've ever wanted to see for the rest of his life.

but jackson couldn't ruin this, mark was all he had at this point. he couldn't jeopardize this friendship, jackson didn't want to keep these kind of feelings to himself, he had never been that type of guy, but the last thing he wanted to do was make mark uncomfortable.

so he tried to hide his stares, and the small smiles that spread across his lips when mark praised him. he didn't ask mark about la or basketball anymore, he thought that he could get over it, and everything would be okay.

it _wasn't_ okay, as it comes to play out. being with mark all the time didn't help jackson. he tried to convince himself it was only a crush, it was something that would soon come to pass. he only liked mark because he was with him all the time. yeah, that was it, that must've been it.

it was a good enough excuse to distract jackson while he was around mark.

“hey jackson, what do you think your soulmate is going to be like?” mark asks one day, as the two sit on a bench, watching as kids play with their friends, and parents chat amongst themselves. teens flew by on roller skates and scooters, some on phones, some holding ice cream in hand.

this question hadn't come up before, and to be honest, jackson hadn't really thought about it. “well. they'll probably be kind, with a nice smile. they'd probably like to hear my silly stories, and wouldn't mind how loud i could be sometimes.” jackson coughs. “what about you?”

“well,” mark starts, hesitantly. “listen, i'm gonna say something, but promise you won't get freaked out or anything?”

jackson nods.

“i think my soulmate is going to be someone like you, someone funny and silly and likes to be around me, even when i'm quiet.” jackson gulps audibly, but mark laughs softly, leaning into jackson. “i wouldn't mind being your soulmate, actually. too bad we couldn't choose our soulmates, huh?”

jackson sighs. “yeah.” 

“i don't think i'd know my soulmate even if he was staring at me right in the eye. they could be right in front of me and i wouldn't notice.” mark laughs, looking up at jackson. the two made eye contact, until mark broke away laughing almost nervously, “i'm going to miss you, you know, when i find my soulmate.” 

“i'll be alone again when you go, i'm going to miss you too. who's going to laugh at my jokes and tell me about california?”

“i'm just really going to miss you, you're like the best friend i never really had.” mark sighs. “let's just spend our time together while we have it, right?” 

jackson agrees with mark soundlessly, nodding. he guesses it's true, the two friends would just have to spend their time together wisely.

* * *

“hey, what's wrong with you?”

jackson looks over at mark, only slightly dazed. they had been laying on the park grass, as they watched the clouds. they didn't speak, and jackson was comfortable with it, but apparently, mark was not. “what?”

“you. what's wrong with you? you've been so distant lately.” and mark sits up, eyes heavily trained on jackson.

jackson shifted under mark's stare, avoiding eye contact. “i'm fine, i have no idea what you mean.”

“you're lying.” mark scoffs, eyebrows knit together tightly, eyes flickering from jackson's eyes to the grass. mark's quiet, almost pensive, until he speaks again. “do you know how i died?”

“you never told me.”

“i was on vacation with jinyoung by the seaside. we were on a cliff by the water, and we'd jumped off it hundreds of times, it had never been a hazard.” mark pauses, swallowing hard. “we were with our friends, and they dared me to do a flip. i flipped, and hit my head against the rocks, i landed wrong, and that was it.” he eyes briefly glance at the scars on the back of his arms, and jackson looks as well. mark laughs, in bored amusement. “guess that's how i got these, huh?”

“why are you telling me this?”

“because.”

“because?”

“because you're not talking to me.” there's almost an accusatory tone in his voice. “why aren't you talking to me?”

jackson steals a glance of mark, and the other boy appears to be hurt. “i can't.. i can't tell you.”

“jackson, you could tell me everything. we've shared so much about each other.”

“not this.. not this.” jackson's voice is quiet, and he feels embarrassed and anxious, knowing that he'd have to confess to mark.

“tell me.”

“no.”

“jackson!”

“mark, drop it,” and jackson's voice breaks.

mark steps closer, hands practically glued to his side. his voice was dangerously low as he spoke. “tell me.”

jackson choked out a sob, covering his face with his hands in shame. “you're going to hate me!”

mark suddenly looks sympathetic, tilting his head and looking at jackson with such fondness. “i thought you would've learned by now that i could never hate you.”

“i like you.” jackson blurts out, eyes wide but he was no longer looking at mark. his eyes were focused on the floor, as he decided it would be best to not make eye contact. he coughs, clarifying. “as more than a friend.”

there's a silence between the two, but not like the ones jackson had grown to love over the past few months. it was a cold, awkward silence that sent chills down jackson's spine. a tear slid down his face, he should've expected this reaction for mark. but jackson wang was naive, jackson wang held hope that maybe, just maybe mark felt the same way. he thought that maybe mark had feelings too, and jackson wasn't insane for having a crush on the greatest friend he'd ever known. “this is embarrassing.” jackson manages to choke out. “i'm gonna go.”

with regret and embarrassment the sole feelings ruling jackson's body, he angles his body away from mark, deciding to walk away as quickly as possible. what hurt was that as jackson left, mark didn't even say a word, he didn't even bother to look at jackson.

“wait.”

jackson halts, turning around only to see mark striding towards jackson. when mark reached jackson, instinctively mark reached out to grab jackson's arm, almost forgetting that he wouldn't be able to touch jackson.

until mark's cold fingers wrapped around jackson's wrist. jackson gasped at the sudden contact, and mark looked shocked himself that that was even possible. “gosh, you're naive, aren't you?” and mark's grinning now. “how did you not guess that i've liked you for months now?”

jackson chokes. “what? you.. you like me?”

mark's looking down now, shaking his head in what looks like amusement, or maybe disbelief. “i really thought i was being smooth with all my subtle pick up lines, i'm disappointed you didn't realize this sooner.”

“are you sure? are you sure you like me? it's not because we've spent so much time together and i'm the only person around? mark —” jackson was rambling far too much for him to notice that mark was gazing at him with such mirth in his eyes.

“— jackson,” mark interrupts, rubbing his thumb across jackson's wrist softly. “shut up.”

jackson blushes, his lips pursing together, but staying shut. the simple movement of his lips caused mark to glance down, his eyes suddenly focused on jackson's lips. mark's stare made jackson feel warm all over, which only increased when mark scanned the pads of his fingertips across jackson's lips. “can i.. jackson, can i kiss you?” mark's voice was low, practically inaudible, but jackson heard him.

jackson was too stunned to form words, so he simply nodded his head in response to mark's question. somehow, jackson gathered up what little willpower he had left to let a whispered please pass his lips. mark chuckled, his sparkling eyes darting to jackson's before he leaned in to close the distance between them.

as their lips touched, jackson's whole being reached a fever pitch. mark tasted like dark chocolate, and their lips fit well together. it was as if they'd meant together their whole life, everything in that moment instantly clicked. jackson's hands reached up to run his thumbs across mark's cheeks, and mark simply pulled him closer until their bodies were flush against each other.

if was heaven, and jackson could think about nothing else except mark, mark, mark. until suddenly, there was a blinding light. it was too bright for his eyes, and jackson broke away from mark momentarily to shield his eyes. “the sun is so bright today,” jackson exclaimed with a chuckle, his hands cupped over both his eyes in a visor like fashion. “guess it really is summer, huh, mark?” jackson didn't get a reply. “mark?”

the light disappeared, and mark was no longer in front of him as he had been seconds ago. panicked, jackson rushed to his feet, looking around frantically. “mark? mark! mark!” jackson's breath was closing up in his throat, and his mind was racing with thoughts that left as fast as they entered. he broke out into tears, he couldn't believe this was happening again, he couldn't believe he was being left alone again —

until the light reappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> If I get a good reception, maybe I'll do Mark's story before he met Jackson. Ex, how he died, how he met ghosts and they left, and maybe this'll all be understood better. We'll see. I hope you liked this!


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